“Writing and travel broaden your ass if not your mind and I like to write standing up.” ~~Ernest Hemingway
There are currently a lot of challenging blog posts circulating the interweb, dedicated to a specific topic. Sage dating advice when it comes to the traveling woman or man.
How do I know about these? Well, they are typically the first thing I see when I glance at my Facebook page since many of my free spirited girl friends are sharing them left and right. One was even posted on my wall with a cheery comment, “This made me think of you!” It made me smile…thanks Karen! And like anyone else, I am curious, so I read them.
I don’t normally care about much of these things. I occasionally scroll through Facebook, checking a few photos here and there, seeing what my close friends are up to since I am thousands of miles away and about a day ahead of most of them. It’s about as close as I can get to “seeing” them until I am back in the states. So, Facebook fills that void because I have yet to catch up with technology and get one of those smart phones that would allow me to Whatsapp or do the Face Time thing, whatever that means.
Here and there I’ll do the random quiz to see what Game of Throne character I am or what Muppet character I am, secretly hoping I’ll get Animal because he’s just so cool. But that’s about it really. I often don’t let articles posted there get to me. But these latest blog entries circulating around about the traveling woman or male in the dating scene caught my attention. Maybe it’s because I am one of them.
A traveling female. A free spirit. And not dating.
I might be reading too much into it. In some ways, the articles are flattering. People who live the way they want to live are appealing. They’ve thumbed their noses at the expectations of society. They’ve branched out and made it work for them. I meet people who are fascinated with my lifestyle, but I don’t understand why; they could do it too if they wanted to. It’s as simple as that.
I have a feeling that the articles titled, “Don’t Date a Girl or Boy Who Travels…” was meant to actually draw attraction. To make it appealing to search out these characters. But, at the same time, I felt like there was a bit of misinterpretation. In some ways, it was like we were being portrayed as fickle and selfish, irresponsible. I felt like I had just gotten labeled and I don’t understand why society needs to do that. Granted, they are all just opinions and what I am sharing is my opinion too, but...
I am a traveler, a free spirit, and I am a woman. So am I supposed to also be everything listed in these blogs? After reading them, I didn’t necessarily feel enlightened or in arms with my fellow female travelers. I felt a little exposed and misunderstood. Labeled as selfish when much of what I do is selfless. The secrets that made me who I am were being bared to the entire world as well as misinterpreted.
My hair is messy and often unkempt. I’ll let you in on a little secret, I don’t own a hair brush! I take a shower when I remember to, and that is about, oh…every three days or so. But, it’s not because of being in tune with my inner hippiness. I am just lazy; pure and simple. I spend most of my days outside, but I still have a baby face at 32. Some of it’s due to good genes and some of it’s because I don’t want to get skin cancer no matter how much I travel. I would say my laugh lines tell more stories than my mosquito bites. My mosquito bites just say I forgot my bug spray.
I’m probably one of the easiest girls to please on a date. A simple cup of tea and good conversation is enough. I actually love movies and good food, no matter where it is in the world. But I dislike climbing rocks and I’ve never jumped out of a plane.
I’ve never bugged anyone to buy a plane ticket because if a person wants to travel, they will decide for themselves. As for the Republiq and Avicii, I have no idea what they are, but you’re right, I probably wouldn’t spend $100. I don’t spend $100 on much of anything if I can help it. I also know that you can go clubbing anywhere in the world, even in Antarctica. I know this because I’ve been there and done it, but, you can’t see Komodo Dragons anywhere in the world. So, yes, I guess I prioritize my spending habits.
I actually can hold a steady job. It just so happens that my jobs are seasonal contracts so I move from one to the next because that is the name of the game. But it doesn’t mean that I am irresponsible. I’ve only quit one job in my working career. I’m a firm believer of doing what you love to do, and my work is my hobby and my dream. I write and I consider myself a photographer, but I don’t get paid for it. You can complain to me about your boring job, that’s what friends and loved ones are for. Even if I’m thousands of miles away; that’s why Skype exists.
I didn’t waste my college degree. I use it every day and my resume boasts titles like, Backpacking Field Instructor, Multi-day Sea Kayak Guide, and Program Coordinator. Adventure Recreation is my career. Even if I had wasted my degree, what does it matter? People change life plans all the time. I’m not always sure when the next paycheck is coming, but I think with today’s economy, there are many people in the same boat, whether they travel or not. I sometimes feel like I work like a robot because my job doesn’t end at 5pm like a lot of jobs. It’s a 24hr commitment when you are leading a group in the backcountry. Living like a nomad is not always glamorous. I do take what life has to offer because that is survival. I think most of us do.
I don’t believe I’ve chosen this life of uncertainty that I lead. I believe that it has chosen me. I don’t have a permanent address, but I do have a plan. It’s called life. I try to go with the flow but I’m actually not very good at that. I need structure in my unstructured lifestyle. I think many of us go to the beat of our own drum, whether we travel or not. It’s called being eccentric.
I do speak my mind when I feel I need to. But, then so should anyone. After all, we have the freedom to. But I cannot hold a debate on global issues or social responsibility because I’ll admit, I’m not that up to date.
I can pitch a tent. Quite quickly in fact. I can also light a stove, read a map, use a compass and drive an 18 passenger Delta Tundra vehicle with articulated steering. But this doesn’t mean that I don’t need someone. I like to go halfsies on dinner with a date because I believe in equality and usually my dates are as broke as I am. I don’t like to talk to strangers; they terrify me. I would say that’s probably why I’m still single instead of blaming it on the travel. I often rely on friends to break the ice for me. I’m a potted fern thru and thru when it comes to riding the coattails of social interactions. I may get bored with you, but so will you get bored with me. I am not that exciting.
I have been let go by a man I dated years ago because he knew he couldn’t hold me. He gave me an ultimatum. If I left we broke up and if I stayed, we broke up. What do you do with that? You leave. At the time, I thought he was a dick for it. Years later, when I could understand it better, I knew he did me a favor. It’s all about timing and our clocks were ticking in opposite directions. That is reality friends. It doesn’t matter if you’re traveling or still living in the same town you were born in. Sometimes the timing is just off.
I have been single for nearly three years. Holy cow, you’re probably thinking. Talk about pent up sexual frustration! But, I chose that path. I made that decision and it has been enlightening. I don’t have a crazy urge to race my biological clock and try to pop out some kids before it’s too late. I also don’t feel the need to have to be with someone just for the sake of companionship. Of course I would love to have a relationship because they are just plain fun. Yes, I could go out and flutter my eyelashes and wiggle my hips and drag someone home. I do have the capabilities to reel in a man, but given my current life style, I know that it won’t work. For one) I’m drawn to bearded burly men sporting carharts and flannels, and well, it’s pretty hard to find that in Asia, and two) I’m taller and bigger than most Asian men so even if I was interested, I don’t think they are, and three) I’m leaving Asia in a few of months.
Relationships are important to me. People matter. It’s the same with my friendships. I know my faults. I move around a lot. About every four to six months my bags are packed and I’m walking out the door to walk thru the door of somewhere new. There is no room in that lifestyle for dating. I know that it is not fair to me or that man who may be interested. That’s not me being selfish or afraid of commitment, it’s just reality. It’s looking out for the other person. So, if anything it’s a very unselfish thing to do. When it’s supposed to happen, it’ll happen. Maybe it’ll be next year or maybe it’ll be twenty years from now.
So, yes, maybe those posts are right. Don’t date a girl or guy who travels. Or do date a girl or guy who travels. Do whatever you want.
Just don’t blame it on the traveling. Blame it on the timing and compatibility. If you love someone, you’ll take their good and their bad. Two people together are supposed to build one another up to make a whole. If one part travels, then the other grows from that and vice versa. If it’s supposed to be for life, you’ll know. And if you don’t know, you don’t know. It’s a 50/50 chance. And that’s called life. So, go date that girl or guy that travels.