Love-Hate Relationship

"Wilderness is not a luxury but a necessity of the 

human spirit." ~Edward Abbey

Four months in Asia. I am leaving it all behind and at last heading state side. I’ll be honest, I cannot wait. Admitting that surprised even myself. I am not normally overtaken with homesickness. I don’t even know if I can classify this feeling in the same category. I rarely take pleasure in acknowledging my American roots. I have little patriotic pride; George Bush kind of ruined that. But I do have fondness for American soil. Believe it or not there are some absolutely amazing, beautiful locations in good ole ‘Merica and right now that is what I am missing, a bit of the familiarity. 

In a day I will be back with my car, my one real material attachment. Minnie Mouse is sitting in Hood River, OR waiting for me. At the beginning of September I filled her with all my winter gear and placed her keys into the trust worthy hand of my friend, Krey Krey. We had worked out an agreement. He wanted to do a road trip south to the Lower 48 with his girlfriend, but he was sans vehicle. I needed to get my car to the west coast. Ta-da! He got a road trip and I got my car parked in Hood River. It was weird being in Hong Kong knowing that someone was driving my car south all the way from Alaska. But as I have said before, sometimes you have to relinquish the control and instead leave faith in its place. 

I will soon be sleeping again in my car, on the road, traveling cross country to a new destination. I am so excited that I think of little else. I can see it now, the music blasting; the feel of the wheel in my hands, and the gentle purr of Minnie Mouse’s engine. The good luck Buddha Karen Reynolds gave me so many years ago, smiling at me from the dashboard, always encouraging, sending me well wishes for every safe journey I have gone on. I glued him to Minnie Mouse’s dash board years ago, and he has yet to fail me. Minnie Mouse stocked with a bit of gear, food, a map and wide open country is the purest form of freedom to me right now. The world is my oyster as they say. I feel antsy with excitement for what lays ahead. 

This fall I told a student of mine that the destination didn’t always have to be the priority. I told this student to forget about Point A or Point B for once. Instead, focus on what’s between these two points, the journey. I know it’s hard to think about this when you are a teenager and all you want is results. I think that is how most of us lived life at that age. It’s kind of like eating. If you scarf it all down just to be the first to finish, do you really remember what it tasted like? If you hike a trail without looking left or right, do you really see it? If you travel just to get somewhere, what do you gain? 

We are guilty of these things, myself included. It’s human nature to rush. We miss out when we get focused on one thing. I keep trying to follow the mantra I explained to this student this fall. I am leaving behind Asia to return to the states. I am excited, but more for the roads that I must travel rather than my destination. I and Minnie Mouse am no stranger to the major highways that will deliver us to our objective. I have traveled these highways many times. Back and forth, up and down the U.S, over and over for multiple seasons. Yet the countryside will still be new as well as laced with vague familiarity. It’s a comforting feeling. 

Aspen, CO is my destination. My objective: to arrive by January 16th to start training as a ticket seller for the Aspen Ski Company. This fall and winter season is proving to be the year of the unexpected. Doing things I never really dreamed I’d do. Three months navigating my way around a major world city, exposing young minds to the hidden wonders of Mother Nature. What I really navigated was a concrete jungle. I proved something to myself: I found out that I could survive life in a city. I knew I could, but I didn’t want to and nor do I really want to again. I can see that now. I have yet to make a decision over my experience in this country. One thing really comes to mind: love-hate relationship. 

I loved it because it was different, it was an experience. It was growth oriented. I “hated” it because I felt confined. There is “wilderness” to be found in Hong Kong, quite beautiful in fact. But with the backwoods still came the essence of the 7 billion people who lived there. I could never quite escape it. There’s something to be said about the whisper of silence in wilderness. It’s beautiful. I miss that. That is what I look forward to the most with my return to stateside. Not a hamburger or a good American Beer, but silence, the silence of the outdoors. My soul needs it. I have felt lost these last few months. Sitting here on this plane has let me see what it is: wilderness, wide open space, remoteness, big mountains and tall, tall trees. All of it, I miss it. 

I love traveling whether it is state side or overseas. It’s an opportunity to be educated, humbled, to broaden the horizons. It also creates that love-hate relationship I spoke of earlier. You see the things you want to see while being exposed to those you wish didn’t exist. Indonesia was amazing and I don’t regret one minute of it. It was a country of beauty next to raw abuse of this planet, and yes, that made me cringe. 

Life in Jakarta made Hong Kong look like a kitten. I can’t believe I was so nervous four months ago. In September I sat in the San Francisco airport writing in my blog, revealing my fears for what awaited me. The idea of Hong Kong terrified me. In reality, it is one of the safest cities in the world. 

I laugh as I think back to that moment. Here I sit, on a plane delivering me to that same airport; only I am returning a different person. I guess that is why I love traveling so much. You leave as one person and you return as another. If you don’t, then you failed. The unknown can overwhelm us. The day you realize that is often the day you have overcome the fear. 

I land in San Francisco to then board a Greyhound Bus for Hood River, OR to pick up Minnie Mouse. So much travel awaits me. I get my car and then it’s to the road for Aspen, CO. The next three months are dedicated to learning how to ski, something I didn’t really think I’d ever do. Simply exchanging one life experience for another.