Merry Christmas, This One's On Me

“The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.” ~~George Carlin

Who knew you could find love in a little budget hotel in Hsinchu, Taiwan? I didn’t know either. But apparently the patrons of East City Hotel at least want to ensure that their guests are prepared to have safe sex. 

Toward the second half of my travels, I felt like I was hitting a low point. Not really sure why, I pondered this constantly as I left the quaint village of Lukang. 

Lukang proved to be one of my favorite stops thus far on my journey. Very traditional, historic architect all thru the village, amazing local food, and ridiculously friendly people. I didn’t want to leave, but I had to. So I packed my backpack and caught a bus out of there, my spirit heavy as I headed north to my next destination, Hsinchu. 

I knew exactly why I was feeling the way I was. It was Christmas and I was by myself in a foreign country. Taiwan is primarily Buddhist, so Christmas shouldn’t have been a big deal. But there was enough foreign influence in the country that the holiday was exploited about as badly as it is in the states. Every store I walked into blasted annoyingly cheery tunes of “I’ll be home for Christmas,” and “All I Want for Christmas is You!”

I thought I could do it. Travel solo during the holidays, explore a foreign country on my own. I mean, I was doing it. So I could do it. But I was constantly having to answer the incredulous question everywhere I went. “You’re traveling alone!? During Christmas!?” 

Why were people making such a big deal? I traveled by myself all the time. But I had never traveled internationally by myself and the last time I was home for Christmas was 2010. 

And that was exactly it. 

It was three years since I was in the homeland, Afton, NY, with family. Three years since I really celebrated this holiday. And for the last two years, I at least had been surrounded by people who knew and cared about my well-being. 2011, a once in a lifetime experience in Antarctica surrounded by my Shuttle family. 2012, a once in a life time experience on Komodo Island stalking Komodo dragons with one of my best friends. And here I was, 2013, touring a fascinating country…by myself. 

I had no one to share my newfound knowledge with. To discuss all the questions I found I had. I had been in silence for nearly ten days, simply speaking a greeting here and there, a yes or no when I needed to. It sucked.

Granted, it was my choice to embark on this journey solo. I didn’t really know what I was after, and ten days in, I still hadn’t figured it out. But traveling alone did indeed, suck. I’d figured that much out. At least during Christmas it did.

Either way, my steam for exploration was dwindling. I was running on reserve. I made it to Hsinchu on Christmas Eve, two days after leaving Lukang. I arrived to driving rain and whipping wind. Apparently Hsinchu means “windy city.” It was Taiwan’s very own Chicago. They weren’t joking, it was windy. And cold. 

Coming to Hsinchu was the second mistake I had made so far. Going to Taichung being the first. Dirty, loud, sprawling, and very industrial, Taichung was where the slogan, “Made in Taiwan” originates from. Hsinchu was a mini version of the same. I had left behind the land of quant cities overflowing with warm, welcoming hostels. Hsinchu didn’t have a single hostel that I knew of. 

Depressed by the weather and alone on Christmas, I decided to treat myself. I splurged and got a hotel room for two nights. I was planning on exploring this mountain region filled with temples called Shitoushan for Christmas, and I was going to use Hsinchu as my base. 

Lonely Planet recommended a decent budget hotel so I tracked it down and checked in. After a few tense minutes of trying to communicate to the woman behind the desk that I wanted two nights’ accommodations, I was finally sorted and shown my room.

The room was a step up from my night’s resting spot in Taichung the day before. I felt my enthusiasm slowly returning. Getting a hotel room for myself is a luxury I am not used to. The room had a big TV with several stations in English, and a massive bathtub with extremely hot water. I could have a bath! 

This was a luxury!

I poked around. This was home for the next two days. Fluffy towels, shampoo, shower gel, complimentary tooth brush. I was momentarily excited when I saw a cabinet labeled “Mini Bar.” Maybe I could get toasted on Christmas and cry myself to sleep, using the fact that I was all alone as my excuse. I was quite willing to wallow in my own self-pity at this point. Behind the cabinet however, was just an empty mini fridge. I should have known better. 

I turned to examine the bed. Queen size mattress, four pillows and a plush comforter. I was in heaven considering I slept on a creaky cot back in Hong Kong. 

I flung myself on the bed, spread eagled, reveling in the freedom the massive mattress gave. I rolled over on my stomach and saw from the corner of my eye a small blue square packet by the phone on the nightstand to my right. Thinking it was a complimentary wet wipe for my face, as Asia loves their wet wipes, I picked it up.

It was a condom.

KW-Condom the packet read. One ultra-thin lubricated ribbed condom. For your night’s pleasure. 

My hotel room was ready for love. 

I stared at the foiled condom, flipping it over. I looked around the room. What kind of “budget” hotel was this?

I wasn’t ignorant. I had seen several night club entrances, lit up, their neon lights blazing; seductive snapshots of beautiful Asian women posing provocatively on massive bill boards over the entrance. Exotic sirens ready to tempt the weary male traveler. They were everywhere in Taiwan. Was this a hotel catering to the underworld of pleasure escorts? The first one free on East City Hotel? One complimentary jimmie and wham-bam thank you ma’am?

I tossed the condom to the nightstand. 

Well, it certainly wasn’t going to be put to good use in my room. One more reminder of my lonely, single status on one of the biggest holidays of the year. Thanks East City Hotel. Thanks for the reminder.

I considered walking out to the street and giving it to the first passer-by I met. After all, isn’t Christmas about giving?

Merry Christmas, this one’s on me, I’d say. God bless.